Song of the Ages

Fulgen's Comedy Routine II

Bob The Bandit: Cor, blimey! Wulla The Assassin just stabbed all of our criminal friends down there with her daggers! That was awful!

Bret The Bandit: Could be worse, Bob. Wulla The Assassin could be up here stabbing us.

Wulla The Assassin backflips up on the parapet.

Bob The Bandit: Aaaargh! My eyes!
too derivative, need better material
maybe invent an adventuring party NOT based on friends?

Yoon's Journal

Hello Journal,

This week has been interesting. I have decided to adopt a new method of approaching people. Instead of instantly killing them, I am going to provide them with a small opportunity to give up. You might be confused by this, but I promise there is a reasoning behind my “madness”. Blood is super hard to get out of clothing and skin. Do you know how much blood comes out of an individual? Too much. Previously, killing was very quick and clean. One swift motion kills allowed me to miss most of the carnage.

Now, it’s a slow and unpredictable process. Almost every fight begins with me getting shot with an arrow or stabbed followed by someone getting killed and blood flowing everywhere. EVERYWHERE. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for death, killing, and blood but I like planned spillage.

Got to go, Fulgan looks like he is up to something ridiculous.

A Treasure Hunt!

Decoded from the book:

Understand that what you seek was sealed away for a reason and no good will come of its revelation. A fractured mind, knowledge locked away to stop the return of the Dark God. Eadwig’s spark was corrupted, such that any who possessed it would not only become as the rest of us, but would be consumed by his rage and his evil, becoming lost themselves. I alone know where it was hidden, and my Brother took this knowledge and scattered it into 5 great books. If you would seek to unlock this knowledge, seek out the others and decode their pages.

There are more books. Maybe we should find them.

Not the best way to break rocks, mind you.

Yeah, so I had been helping the scholar get access to the dwarven archives for who knows what and so we’d fallen a bit behind the rest of the group. I almost worried what they’d have gotten themselves into, but once I met back up with them in Sutherland, I was more than a little proud to find out they’d accepted a contract to raid a nearby ruin and kill the fire giant leading a local band of bandits. When I first met them, they struggled to win a street fight, but now they were throwing themselves into battles with abandon almost to rival my own.

Makes me feel a little choked up, you know?

So, it turns out the others had met this particular band of outlaws on the road before and weren’t impressed with either their plans or their execution of such. So, when we came up to the ruined keep and were told to stop by some watchmen holding their gate, we hardly paused and instead managed to get right up to them by just talking to them. Unfortunately, they were too stupid to run away when we offered and instead sounded the alarm. It went badly for them and we rushed in to meet the rest of their friends as they came pouring out of the ruins.

I mentioned that their leader was a fire giant, right? Named Droogh, or something like that. We were doing pretty well against the bandits, even some goblin wizard that was helping them, then Droogh came out and started yelling at us for waking him up. At that point, the battle got a bit more intense. Let me tell you, fighting a giant really gets your blood pumping and all, but I could do without stopping flying boulders with my face… multiple times. And that sword he carried? Really shoddy craftsmanship, but that doesn’t matter when it’s the size of a wagon and coming at your head time and time again. By the time the brute died, many of us were so bloody and battered, it was hard to tell that we were the victors. We rested then got paid, only to be given another job from the man. Not that I don’t mind having a good string of fights to look forward to, but I was hoping to cart that sword somewhere so that I wouldn’t have to be sitting here, telling you about it. Instead I could point and say ’We beat the guy who swung that around".

Lady Knight

Kels killed a fire giant. She just got that much more attractive.

Also, I found some gold. I’m having a moral dilemma about if I should share evenly. Kels was the one that killed the thing, anyway.

P.S. Firenze didn’t get his moment. I’m sorry, Firenze.

Coded message
Raw text

Over the course of studying it, Samuel and Dax have made a list of marked characters throughout the Holy Book of Elior that was found in the cave. What follows is the full encoded text from across the entire volume.


Fulgen's Cubes

Fulgen sits in the back of the cart, an illusory map of Sutherland floating between his fingertips. He pushes small red cubes around on the map along roads, and traces green lines between the east and west coasts. “Might work… Might work. Rich as princes, even. But building an empire for spite? That’s just asking for a tragedy…”

True North

Let’s talk about trust and friendship. Actually, I don’t know if I want to talk or do either of those things because it’s inevitable—the more I get involved (and frankly, it’s far too late to even use that terminology; I’m just fucked at this point) with our little gang, the more I don’t know where trust and friendship really begin or end. Do we, as a gang, commit ourselves to either of these things? Why do I feel like we should have a heart to heart of some sort? (Why is this the second time I’m actually addressing this.)

Ew, gross. Let’s not have a heart to heart. But it’s been twice now in the last few days that Yoon and I have been reminded by outside parties (one, being a blacksmith who’s coming with us from the Deep back to Sutherland, and the other being a dwarf by the name of Cass, whom we were looking for information on the Underhand from) to divulge the truth in some form or other for the sake of others having our backs…or us having theirs. Maybe I should stop talking about myself in the plural here because I feel like that’s the way it should be. It’s always been just me, like I’ve said before—until Yoon and Scratch showed up in the picture. And now I think that Yoon isn’t so invested in keeping that picture intact, which doesn’t surprise me, but I guess I thought we trusted each other and were friends? It’s really better not to hope for bullshit like that.

On a better note, I got to relive my good old thievery days. I swiped a painting clear from its case and made a small chunk of gold out of it. I’m pretty sure that I have no more moral compass anymore, and I don’t think I really care, either. Oh, well.

Does that fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me -mantra come into play somewhere here?

I’d kind of like to know why, if Yoon is having a mini crisis about killing me, she didn’t just do it back in Lorentzian. I would have called that 100% commitment once. I guess it’s not that. I guess we made it full circle. Trust and friendship. Great.

P.S. Yoon, yea, I guess you don’t need a vampire.

P.P.S. The Underhand isn’t after me, by the way. Pretty sure they’re after you (again, Yoon) for failing the job which involves me: oops. Don’t make me regret having your back, though. I’m not offended or anything by your crisis, but still. Trust and friendship, right?

Dalton Xavior Kirk: International Art Thief

It’s ironic that the name my father gave me to make me more respectable is the name that is gaining infamy in Ironforge. That poor dwarf woman will tell the story of the well dressed tiefling who distracted her while his accomplice, who was disguised as a cleric, sneaked off and assaulted her husband and stole a pornographic painting. When they gossip about what happened, the story might come out about how the teifling and the cleric were casing the bank right before they robbed the bank owner’s house.

I swear I could have made a decent profit on that awful tea. “Dwarven medicinal tea” would be a big hit.

Well, we are dead

Hello Journal,

It’s been a while but frankly I haven’t had much desire to immortalize my journey with these people on paper. Never have I spent so much time “doing good” for the sake of “doing good”. Heroes are definitely getting the short end of the stick. There is no money involved and lots of mysterious child-like gods. Insanity, right?

It’s becoming more difficult to keep a low profile especially with Fulgan and his ridiculous desire to be famous heroes. The Underhand has been getting better at tracking me, which is making me question how long I can stay with this troupe of misfits and glory seekers. As much as I would like to think I could handle everything the Underhand sends at us, it’s frankly not true. This band of misfits is no match for all of the resources and skills the Underhand has access to. If the Underhand decides to pursue us with everything they have, not even our magical weapons and the best armor will be able to save us.

I fear the only way to truly be free is either to become head of the Underhand or to kill Wyllo. Which brings me to my next question, why does the Underhand care so much about whether Wyllow is dead or not. I have heard stories of other targets who lived and the Underhand didn’t bat an eyelash. Who put the bounty over her head and why?

Don’t worry journal, I am not going to kill Wyllo. At least, not yet. I’m never 100% committed to anything.

P.S. Wyllo, not everyone needs a vampire.


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