Song of the Ages

Fulgen's Comedy Routine I

Fulbar The Fumbler: Cor, blimey! The bug giant swallowed the sheep AND my shield! This couldn’t get any worse!

Aldur The Apprentice: Could be worse, Fulbar. It could have spit acid in your eyes.

Ankheg spits acid in Fulbar’s eyes.

Fulbar The Fumbler: Aaaargh! My eyes!

Fresh Out Of Luck

After three weeks of free room and board, as well as payment for being a barmaid, my luck has officially run out. Yoon never able to keep much of her feelings to herself, got us fired into our first hour. We were also hailed down by a bard who requested our assistance with a slaughtered sheep mystery (this is what got turned us unemployed, by the way. Yoon was “bored”.) and we set out to find whatever was murdering flocks of sheep.

We found it.

After borrowing a sheep from the shepherd whose flock was already thinning, we set up watch and before I knew it, the cloudy creature was gone. Just swallowed up by shadows. I alerted the rest of the group and the bard, being clever, decided to prod the faint imprint of where the sheep had previously been. Cue a demon creature crawling out and attacking us. Yoon, of course, saved our sorry rears. I didn’t do so badly, but in comparison to her, I’m not much.I can be honest.

Of course.

The next morning—at some point, the captain of the guard caught our attention. At some point, we signed up to go find a witch who had a bad reputation, but I’m not a fan of useless killing. At some point, we got attacked again, and I made a good kill.

At some point, we found out that we were part of a scheme we’d never meant to be, but the witch herself, Nameia, didn’t turn out to be terrible. Terribly clever. At some point, we were all exhausted, and she let us stay the night instead of turning us into newts.

Maybe then, not all of our luck is out yet. Yet is a very strong word, though.

So Help Me, Moderator God

It has been 4 weeks since I left my cushy job of stabbing, murdering, and torturing somewhat questionable people for this life-sucking city known as Redford. Uncle Itch or whatever his name got us a job as bar maids. BAR MAIDS. Are you joking me?! I am waiting on some of the most vile creatures. If not for Wyllow, I would have murdered all of them by now and taken their money. This shanty inn is run by some lady and her cross-eyed (hopefully not lover) giant. Sometimes during work I like to stand in various areas wondering if I am still in his field of vision. Whenever I look at him I wonder how he can actually see me.

Itch better watch out for me because when I get back we are going to have quite the conversation. This journal entry is getting too long for my tastes. Maybe I can persuade someone to be my journal maid. That can be a thing, right?

Monster Hunters

We killed the underground sheep worm. That was fun. Our second job was to hunt some teifling lady who lives out in the forest. We went and talked to her. She was nice enough. It wasn’t lost on me that she is living by herself out in the forest and, at the moment, so am I. If I’m going to be hunting monsters for a living, I might be sleeping in forests a lot. Especially since Redford seems to have run out of real monsters if we’re being sent after teifling hermits.

Silver Lining

I almost forgot that I have a feeling of being watched. I want to write it down because I’ll probably forget again, but there was a crow that seemed to keep a very trained eye on our group as we were going to see the lady-witch Nameia, but I didn’t see it again. When we moved on in the morning, we did head toward the goblin caves that she had cleared out as per Renhart Bradley’s orders. Oddly enough though, they weren’t cleared out.

I would go on again about luck and our lack of it, but there does eventually come a silver lining. After we get caught and after the guards are roused, we have to disappear into the night. It takes some time to come to a consensus, but eventually, we also decide that we should follow up on our lead, and this is where the lining comes in. To a point. I manage to sneak back into camp and steal several rocks that have been mined, and as we get back to Redford, we see a thread of silver. We’ve already discovered that the men mining were the Captain of the Guard’s, so we try to keep a low profile until discovering a summons from the baron.

I don’t’ know how he felt about our confession. I do know that a certain wood elf came to check on me and in my paranoid state, I lied to him. Then again, despite my best efforts, the elf found out that I’ve not been innocently toiling in town and actually came to check up on me as per Uncle Scratch. I don’t know if he’s worried, but I don’t think I helped if he is.

The baron gave us orders to head up to another town with a letter, and on the way, we met a certain dragon. He was about to be set upon by bandits (I’d gone ahead to scout), and you know how I feel about injustices dealt to those of “other kinds”. No rudeness meant, but I couldn’t sit by and watch the man be killed for no reason.

Instead, I almost got us killed. Almost being the key word, because as thin as our luck is, maybe it’s all not so bad. We did manage to get away; we did manage to get healed; we did manage to find an inn to stay at for the night and have some hot food.

I think the bard got showed up by a lady-bard somewhere between Yoon and I washing dishes for a hot meal and going to bed.

Haiku for Anya

Anya the half elf
Stop killing my targets please
Else you’ll go missing

I tried my hand at writing something artistic. Apparently that will make me more approachable or something. Things I learned from this past week..

1) Thieves tools are %^$&#!@ expensive. How?! Why did I not know at this before? Perhaps there is someone else I could steal from. I’m sure she wouldn’t even miss it. After all, she goes on and on about some mundane thing that most people have called a moral code or conscience.

2) People’s relatives are incredibly obnoxious. This past week we got into this pretty epic battle among some respectable robbers. I mean, who am I judge someone who is making a fortune from taking advantage of vulnerable individuals. Money is money. I would have let them be, but Wyllo had to be all noble and try and save this lizard creature. I didn’t want her to die because if anyone should kill her it should be me. So off I went to be a “hero”. Ugh, that word makes me feel as if though i’ve swallowed a mountain of turds. The only good part about running off to be a hero is that I could use my swords to deal some pain. I dealt this almost death blow to one of the robbers. It was amazing, I could feel the life leaving out of his body and I was going to finish him when out of nowhere this dagger hits him in the forehead. Are you joking me?! Lo and behold it was Anya, the obnoxious bard’s sister. This family…they need to go.

Dax's Expense Report (Projected)
Item Amount Cost
Journey from Redford to Two Lakes 4 people, 2 days 4 Gold
Inn at Two Lakes 4 dinners, 2 rooms 3 Gold
Journey from Two Lakes to Union 4 people, 2 days 4 Gold
Inn at Union 4 dinners, 2 rooms 3 Gold
Journey from Union to Pleasant Grove 4 people, 1 day 2 Gold
Journey from Pleasant Grove to Union 4 people, 1 day 2 Gold
Inn at Union 4 dinners, 2 rooms 3 Gold
Journey from Union to Two Lakes 4 people, 2 days 4 Gold
Inn at Two Lakes 4 dinners, 2 rooms 3 Gold
Journey from Two Lakes to Redford 4 people, 2 days 4 Gold
Total 32 Gold
Payment 10 Gold
Loss - 22 Gold


- Rations are expensive, and so are inns
- We’re essentially paying to deliver this letter
- We could save some money by camping outside of town and not paying for inns
- The elf Aspen saved us a lot of rations by hunting for us the first couple of days, bring Total Projected Cost down to: 27
- Visiting inns is an important part of how we’re going to find new business, we can’t avoid inns entirely
- Having a permanent companion such as Aspen would bring the total cost of this venture down to 12
- Maybe if I present an Expense Report to Baron Mengis, we can convince him to help cover some of our losses

What's up with Yoon?

Highday, 14th of Quintemar

I get the feeling that Yoon doesn’t like me much… Not sure what I did to piss her off, but she just seems to despise me very strongly. Her friend Wyllo and I seem to get along just fine, in part I think because we are both half-elven bastard children, but Wyllo is also just genuinely a nice person.

During our night watch together I tried to ask Yoon what was up, but she said some bullshit line about how she doesn’t dislike me, and we spent the rest of our shift in awkward silence. What strange traveling companions you’ve found yourself with Gilly.

We went out to the wilds south of Union in pursuit of a nest of Kobolds that had been abducting children. We fought our way through a good number of them, Wyllo and I scouted for the group as we all explored the cave. We managed to find the missing children, and I led them back out of the cave. I’m currently back where we camped last night, trying my best to keep the children calm and together. It’s been a while, though, and the others haven’t left yet…

Please. come back safe brother.

Unexpected, pt. I

I hate kobolds.

P.S. I like Qelroth Delmirev.

EDIT: Yoon, stop reading my stuff. Don’t be judgmental.

Why Nice Guys Never Win

People say that these type of adventures are life changing and have the ability to change ourselves for the better. To those people I say, "You are an A-R-S-E-H-A-T’. I’ll give you twoexamples that happened this past week and the outcomes.

Example 1: Anya and I had to do a night watch together. She asked whether or not I like her. Now, the old me would have not held anything back but the new me held my tongue.

Outcome: She is even more annoying than ever before. She actually tried to analyze me.

Example 2: I decided to wave hello to a bunch of creatures in a cave instead of running in and killing them.

Outcome: They tried to kill me.

Lesson: Nice guys don’t win.

Also, I am pretty sure that Wyllo has a crush on that dragon dude. Disgusting. Another weird half breed coming our way.


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